Friday, July 23, 2010

Lottery casualty

A woman came home,
screeching her car into the driveway,
and ran into the house.

She slammed the door and
shouted at the top of her lungs,

"Honey, pack your bags.
I won the lottery!"

The husband said,
"Oh my God!
What should I pack,
beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said.

"Just get the hell out."

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands had just opened in New York City
where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store
operates and a sign that indicates that you may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper
ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from any floor,
or may choose to go up to the next floor, but cannot go back down
except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to The Husband Store to find a mate.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs
She decides to go to the second floor . . .

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
She decides to keep going up to the next floor . . .

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"WOW," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going . . .

The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids,
are drop dead good looking and help with housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she moves on . . .

The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop dead gorgeous,
help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay . . .

but opts to go on to the sixth floor where the Sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women
are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened
a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

OUCH!! I wonder if it was a man or a woman who originally wrote this joke?