Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Monday, October 13, 2014
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
I found this joke on the page of one of my Facebook friends:
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him
and whacked him on the head with a magazine
'What was that for?' he asked.
When he came to, he asked, 'What was that for?'
'That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,' she replied.
'Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,' he explained.
'Oh darling, I'm sorry,' she said. 'I should have known there was a good explanation.'
Three days later he was watching TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again . . . this time with a frying pan, which knocked him out cold.
'Your horse phoned.'
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?”
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
An elderly lawyer was about to die. One day he told his wife he had come up with a way to take all of the money he had with him to heaven. He told his wife to put all of his money in the attic so when he died he could grab it on the way up.
A couple of weeks after he died his wife was cleaning out the attic and saw that the money bags were still there. “That old fool,” she chuckled. “I told him that we should have put the money in the basement!”
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Sally walked in to the Dentist office to make an appointment.
"How much do you charge to pull out a tooth?" She asked."
"It's $130," was the prompt reply.
"$130!" gasped Sally, "That's ridiculous! There must be a way for you to go cheaper."
"Well," said the Dentist thoughtfully, I suppose if we don't numb it, we could knock off $30."
"Only $30?" countered Sally, "That's still $100, you've got to make it cheaper."
"Well," said the Dentist after a long pause, "I suppose if we take it out with a wrench we could knock it down to $50."
"Perfect", said Sally happily. "I would like to make an appointment for next Tuesday, for my husband Jack."
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T
A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F"
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T"
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."