Maxine's Christmas Message

Calm Down!

I don't always . . .

The Pasta Diet

The Pasta Diet and Your Health

ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!

1. You walka pasta dah bakery.

2. You walka pasta dah candy store.

3. You walka pasta dah ice cream shop.

4. You walka pasta dah table and dah fridge.

You will lose weight!

CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY

CARBS IN YOUR DIET?

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION 

Eat and drink what you like . . .

Speaking English is apparently what kills you!!

Cat Humor

Poor kitty looks hungry!

Thanks to James Hallman for posting this to Facebook :)

No room at the inn

Believe it, those were sad days!

In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami.

“Excuse me,” she said to the manager. “My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks.”

“I’m awfully sorry,” he replied, “but all of our rooms are occupied.” Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out.

“What luck,” said Mrs. Goldstein. “Now there’s a room.”

“Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed.”

“Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic.”

“I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?”

“Jesus, Son of Mary.”

“Where was he born?”

“In a stable.”

“And why was he born in a stable?”

“Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!”


I'm sharing this from James Hallman, a Facebook friend!

Diagnosis for a red head

A young Redhead goes into the doctor’s office and

 says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

“Impossible”, says the doctor. “Show me.”

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and 

screams  in agony. She pushes her knee and

screams,  pushes her ankle and screams.

The doctor says,

“You’re not really a redhead, are you?”

“No, ” she says, ” I’m actually a Blonde.”

“I thought so, the doctor says. 

“Your finger is broken.”

Adam's Suit

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible

 with fascination, looking at the old pages

 as he turned them.

Then something fell out, and he picked it

 up and looked at it closely.

 It was an old leaf from a tree that had been

 pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice,

 he answered, “It’s Adam’s Suit!”

An Italian Boy's Confession

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 

'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' 

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'

The Fur Coat

Watching her mother as she tried

 on her new fur coat, the young

 daughter said unhappily,

 "Mom, do you realize some poor dumb

beast suffered so you could have that?"

The woman shot her an angry look,

 "How dare you talk about your father like that!"

Uncommon Cough Cure

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. 

 

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" 

 

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. 

I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." 

 

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!" 

 

The clerk says, "Of course, you can! Look at him; he's afraid to cough!"

King Julian

I love this character!!!

Busy Mom

Poor mama kitty has got

 to be exhausted!

Happy Monday!

awww . . . poor Monday!

About the Super Bowl . . .

Where can I buy a super bowl?

Cleaning the toilet is my least

favorite thing to do in this world!

Coolest Dog Ever!

This dog is so cool :)

The look on his face is precious!

What a sweetie :))))

Shut up already!

OMG . . . it is my mom in the cartoon . . . and that is me with the chips.  The only thing missing is a cigarette in my hand and The Captain standing next to me, smoking a cigarette and enjoying some chips.

Oh, the pointed finger!!  LOL . . . me bad girl :)  Yes, it is very annoying when you have a favorite habit that someone else thinks you should break.  You can always tell them to shut up or be polite and let them point the finger at you while you continue the bad habit.  However . . .

What has really been annoying me lately is the food police . . . you know, those people associated with government and some that are not who think they are smarter than the rest of society, therefore, they should determine what we should and should not eat.  

It is getting to the point of absurdity when children are taken from their parents because the child is "too fat".  The question becomes . . . what is "too fat" . . . the government needs to stay out of "enforcing" and stick to "educating" (although that irritates me too because we collectively know what is healthy and what is not).

Another thing about the food police and government getting in our business . . . it really bothers me that they are attempting to alter the menus at some of our favorite places to pig out.  Who let the government into the board rooms of the corporate world?  I could not believe when they tried to dictate McDonald's marketing concepts with the free toys with Happy Meals.  Stay away from Dairy Queen . . . please!

Sorry . . . sore subject!  Personal freedom and free enterprise . . . that's for another blog :)

Keep smiling and enjoying those chips . . . tell them to shut up already!

LOL . . . send her some flowers after telling her to shut up :)

New Year Greetings

What did you do for New Years Eve?

The joke was on me this year as I developed

a toothache on New Years Eve day which raged on

during the night, stayed with me on New Years Day

and has not completely gone.

Another new year is off and running!  

Hope that everyone had an awesome 

and festive holiday season :)

Poor Santa . . .

Timmy will be on Santa's

 Naughty List next year!

Maxine on Christmas Shopping