TGIF

T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator. 

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F" 

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" 

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. 

He again answered, "S-H-I-T." 

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F." 

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T." 

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?" 

The man answered, "S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh.

Happy Tuesday!

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day

from The Captain and Me

You are all precious!!

A Caturday Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day

from the

Caturday Cats

Ticket to nine lives

I love cat humor!!

I found this on my friend Stephanie's page on Google and had to steal it!
Source

State of the Union Rebuttal

I will never think of the

State of the Union Address

Rebuttal the same again!

Someone is at the door!!

Hello . . . anybody home?

Safe to swim here?

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.

"The sharks got 'em."

 

Village Idiots

Look on the bright side . . .

Our heater, which is rarely turned on, has been getting a workout this week!

Hope everyone is staying warm and safe.

Donuts anyone?

She's got attitude!

New Year Resolution

Agree to Disagree!

A man wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept saying that they could not afford one, but he bought one anyway. 

"I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. 

When the man went to the dock for the maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
 

Hard Times

What is your wish?

A thirst that needs to be quenched?

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says ‘nothing’s wrong,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

Maxine's Christmas Message

Calm Down!

I don't always . . .

The Pasta Diet

The Pasta Diet and Your Health

ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!

1. You walka pasta dah bakery.

2. You walka pasta dah candy store.

3. You walka pasta dah ice cream shop.

4. You walka pasta dah table and dah fridge.

You will lose weight!

CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY

CARBS IN YOUR DIET?

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION 

Eat and drink what you like . . .

Speaking English is apparently what kills you!!

Cat Humor

Poor kitty looks hungry!

Thanks to James Hallman for posting this to Facebook :)

No room at the inn

Believe it, those were sad days!

In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami.

“Excuse me,” she said to the manager. “My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks.”

“I’m awfully sorry,” he replied, “but all of our rooms are occupied.” Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out.

“What luck,” said Mrs. Goldstein. “Now there’s a room.”

“Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed.”

“Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic.”

“I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?”

“Jesus, Son of Mary.”

“Where was he born?”

“In a stable.”

“And why was he born in a stable?”

“Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!”


I'm sharing this from James Hallman, a Facebook friend!