Feed the pig!!!
Thanks to my Facebook friend Deb
for posting this to her timeline.
I had to share it here!
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Poor Jack . . .
Sally walked in to the Dentist office to make an appointment.
"How much do you charge to pull out a tooth?" She asked."
"It's $130," was the prompt reply.
"$130!" gasped Sally, "That's ridiculous! There must be a way for you to go cheaper."
"Well," said the Dentist thoughtfully, I suppose if we don't numb it, we could knock off $30."
"Only $30?" countered Sally, "That's still $100, you've got to make it cheaper."
"Well," said the Dentist after a long pause, "I suppose if we take it out with a wrench we could knock it down to $50."
"Perfect", said Sally happily. "I would like to make an appointment for next Tuesday, for my husband Jack."
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
TGIF
T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T
A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F"
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T"
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh.
Happy Tuesday!
Friday, February 14, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
State of the Union Rebuttal
I will never think of the
State of the Union Address
Rebuttal the same again!
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Safe to swim here?
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."
Monday, January 13, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Look on the bright side . . .
Our heater, which is rarely turned on, has been getting a workout this week!
Hope everyone is staying warm and safe.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Monday, December 30, 2013
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Agree to Disagree!
A man wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept saying that they could not afford one, but he bought one anyway.
"I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted.
When the man went to the dock for the maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
Friday, December 20, 2013
What is your wish?
A thirst that needs to be quenched?
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says ‘nothing’s wrong,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Monday, December 2, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
The Pasta Diet
The Pasta Diet and Your Health
ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!
1. You walka pasta dah bakery.
2. You walka pasta dah candy store.
3. You walka pasta dah ice cream shop.
4. You walka pasta dah table and dah fridge.
You will lose weight!
CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY
CARBS IN YOUR DIET?
CARBS IN YOUR DIET?
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like . . .
Speaking English is apparently what kills you!!
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